


The Cost of Freedom

by DarkAngelNyx



Series: Razaki Trilogy [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Death, F/F, F/M, Female Protagonist, Fluff and Angst, Gore, I'm Going to Hell, Lemons, M/M, POV Female Character, Shipping, Smut, The Cost of Freedom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 16:35:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5171384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAngelNyx/pseuds/DarkAngelNyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iliana Razaki is the daughter of Humanity's Strongest couple. After their unfortunate deaths on an expedition gone wrong, Iliana joins the Survey Corps. What happens when her iron will is tested, and she's pushed to the breaking point? Will her friends be able to save her from oblivion, or will Captain Levi step in and save the day?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Graduation

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first ever fanfiction, and I've decided to make it a trilogy... crazy, right? Anyway, I hope you like it, comments on how I can improve are welcome! I'll try to update as much as possible, my job interferes a little bit... But I promise I won't let this die!  
> Disclaimer: I don't own SnK, only my own characters... all 47 of them :D

I wipe a bead of sweat from my brow, glaring at the clear blue sky. What I wouldn't give for a few clouds to pass in front of the sweltering sun... I hate July.  
I can't help but roll my eyes as Uriah Mitcham, our drill leader, continues to drone on about our fight for humanity. The old fart could take anything and make it boring, even our graduation ceremony. Sweat glistens on his bald head, and I hold back a snort.  
Finally, another man taps his shoulder, and takes center stage. He wears the emblem of the Military Police, and my eyes roll again.  
"Good morning, recruits. As you may already know, only a select few of you will be eligible to join the Military Police. I stand before you announce those few. If you hear your name, move to the stage." He pauses, pulling a small bit of paper from a pocket and clearing his throat. The crowd of recruits visibly tenses, most wanting to hear their names. I don't. Military Police don't fight. They don't engage Titans, and their lives are spent mostly in the inner city. Most are corrupt as hell, dealing in drugs, slaves, extortion, theft... Anything to advance themselves, with no regard for the citizens they're meant to protect.  
"Tenth in class, Jeren Provow." That fucking slimeball. There's no way he deserves to be in the top ten, but I'll admit he'd fit in perfectly, the pervert that he is. He turns around briefly to smirk at me before making his way to the stage to stand like a proud chicken in front of the rest of us.  
Keep smirking, shitface, you're lucky I can't reach you.  
For the past few months he's been harassing me and my friends, Alice and Jessica. No matter how many times we handed his ass to him on a silver platter, he kept coming back for more.  
"Ninth in class, Cameron Lombrana. Eighth in class, Collin Smithson. Seventh in class, Thomas Irving. Sixth in class, Silas Augustine. Fifth in class, Jessica Maverick."  
Jess? Holy shit, my Jess is an ass kicker! I give her a big smile and a nod of my head when jade eyes meet my gaze from the stage. We both smirk at Jeren, and his face turns raging red.  
"Fourth in class, Christian Vadeki. Third in class, Alice Braun." Three of my closest friends stand side by side on the stage, grinning down at me. There's a twinkle in Alice's cerulean eyes that I can't exactly place from this distance.  
"Second in class, Dimitri Ivanovich." I gasp quietly, and turn to my absolute best friend in the world and slap him on the back before he makes his way to the front.  
"And finally, the recruit who exceeded in all areas of training, Iliana Razaki."  
What? No way. Everyone is glaring at me, so I walk on numb legs to stand beside Dimitri. No way am I first in our class... Chris and Dimitri are better at hand to hand than me, Alice and Jess are beyond great with their 3DMG gear. I catch the glare of a certain perverted weasel, and a broad smile flashes across my face. We're all better than him.  
"The recruits standing before you are the best this year has to offer, the most skilled recruits. And only the best may enter the Military Police." He turns to look us over, and continues. "However, you still have the choice. Provow?"  
The weasel steps forward and salutes dramatically. "Sir! I would be honored to join the Military Police. I give my heart and body to the king! Thank you, sir!" He steps back into line.  
"Lombrana?"  
He steps forward and salutes too, but he does it without making me want to rip his head off. "Sir! Thank you, but I feel I would better suit the Survey Corps, sir."  
"Very well, soldier. Smithson?"  
"Sir! Thank you, but the Garrison is where I belong sir."  
"Irving?"  
"Garrison, sir."  
"Augustine?"  
"Garrison, sir."  
Jess looks to me quickly, and I smile and nod.  
"Maverick?"  
"Survey Corps, sir!"  
"Vadeki?"  
"Survey Corps, sir."  
"Braun?"  
"Survey Corps, sir."  
"Ivanovich?"  
"Survey Corps, sir."  
"Razaki?" All eyes shift to me, and I gulp, stepping forward and saluting.  
"Sir! Thank you for the opportunity to join the Military Police. Thank you for the chance to have a comfortable life, to live within the walls all of my life, and remain safe. However, I would rather have my life mean something." Gasps fill the air, and the man in front of me reddens. Before he can speak, I continue. "I choose to truly fight for humanity. I choose to wear the Wings of Freedom. I choose the Survey Corps, sir." He looks like he wants to snap my neck, but he stays firmly in place, the silence growing uncomfortable.  
Finally, the silence is broken by a man close to the stage. He's an alright looking man, rather tall and quite built, with blond hair and big blue eyes... And the most magnificent set of eyebrows I've ever seen. He reminds me of someone, but I can't place him at the moment. He wears the Survey Corps emblem, the Wings of Freedom.  
"An impressive speech, soldier." I fight the blush that threatens my cheeks, and the smile that tugs at the corners of my lips. He turns to address the other recruits. "Now you must decide. There are kiosks at the back of the courtyard, sign your names on the roster for either the Garrison or the Survey Corps, and follow the directions given to you there. Congratulations, soldiers."  
"Aye!" We salute in unison and disperse. Before I can leave the stage, the man stands in front of me.  
"Sir?" I salute, he's apparently a superior officer.  
"What was your name?" His face betrays no emotion. Briefly, I wonder if my speech was a little over the top, but I suck it up and answer.  
"Razaki, sir. Iliana Razaki."  
"Lily? You don't remember me, do you?"  
I freeze. "How did you... Do I know you?"  
He smiles softly. "I'm Commander Erwin Smith. Your parents served under me. I was their Captain, I remember when you and Rosalie were born."  
"Uncle Winnie?" My eyes grow wide and he chuckles.  
"I haven't been called that in ages... How've you been, how's Rose?" His smile vanishes when I look away, not able to meet his eyes.  
"Rose passed away a week before I signed on... She fought cancer for four years, and it finally took her almost three years ago." I glance at Dmitri and his mother, smiling and talking a few yards away. She casts her ice blue eyes in my direction, curiosity and pride battling for control within their depths. I just shake my head slightly. "We lived with Dimitri and his mother, Lydia, when mom and dad were on expeditions. She took us full time when they..." I trailed off.  
I didn't talk about mom and dad much. They died nine years ago, on an expedition that went horribly wrong. Almost everyone died, and mom and dad sacrificed themselves to make sure the a small group of survivors made it back to the wall. We didn't have a proper burial, since their bodies weren't recovered, but we held a memorial service... I was ten years old, Rosalie was five.  
"They would be proud of you, you know? Zacharias was eighth in his class, and Helena was sixth in hers the following year." He put his hand on my shoulder. "They loved you. Welcome to the Corps."  
I can't speak for the lump in my throat, so I just nod and salute. The Commander walks away, and I watch him go.  
"Who's he?" Dimitri rested his arm on my head, the damned giant.  
"For someone so huge, you're definitely a sneaky fucker, aren't you?" I punch him in the side and he lets out a loud 'umph!'  
"It's not my fault you're deaf, midget! Really though, what did he want?"  
"He's our Commander. Erwin Smith."  
Realization dawns on his face, and his eyes - the exact same shade as his mother's - light up. "Winnie? Your uncle is our Commander? Sweet!"  
I punch him again. "Yes, Uncle Winnie. But he's not blood. I don' have any blood family left, Dimitri. You're my family now, and I don't want special treatment just because he knew my parents."  
"I know, Lily, you like to earn things, not have them handed to you." He grins mischievously and I take a step back, preparing to run but he's faster than me. In the next instant, I'm flung over his shoulder as he carries me toward the roster kiosks.  
"Damn it, Dimitri, put me down or I'll personally make sure you can't reproduce!" I scream and wiggle in protest, but I can't keep the laughter from my voice. He ignores me anyways and keeps walking.  
Damn him.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm doing a short chapter dump, since I already have chapters 1-3 posted to ff.n under the username "darkangelnyxx"  
> I hope you like it!

Headquarters is a clusterfuck. I lost count of how many times I've gotten lost in my first week here, but at least it's getting a little bit easier. I've memorized the way to my room, friends' rooms, mess hall, and bathrooms. Whoever designed this place... I hate them. At least the grounds outside are quite easy to navigate.  
I sit at my usual table, waiting for my friends, a hot cup of black tea warming my hands. I'm alone in the mess hall, for once I'm early for breakfast. The world must be ending... I hate mornings, and I hate waiting. Silence engulfs me as I become increasingly impatient. Drumming my fingers on the polished wood, I leisurely sip at my tea. It's bitter, but it's better than the disgusting watered down ale most other cadets favor.  
Finally the heavy oak doors creak open. I swivel in my seat to see who will be joining me, and nearly choke.  
Captain Levi trudges into the mess hall and makes a beeline to the tea, and then his table. He hasn't noticed me yet, and I don't want him to. That man is probably the most insanely strict person I've ever met, and I don't really want to deal with a scolding this early in the morning.  
Even though I've done nothing wrong. I stare at a small scratch in my table. I'm just being paranoid, but I haven't yet recovered from yesterday. I rub my shoulder and cringe. I mean, I guess he's right, it's not like the tree that I ran into just appeared out of nowhere... but still, he yells too much.  
I glance back in his direction and stifle a giggle- he's holding his teacup all wrong, ignoring the handle to instead grip it from the rim! His silver eyes shoot up to meet mine with a glare, and although I should probably be intimidated, I hold back more laughter. Normally I'd be shaking in my boots, terrified of the punishments he's been known to hand out, but right now he reminds me of an adorable child who has been told he can't have ice cream until he eats his green beans.  
"Good morning, sir." I smile, ignoring the daggers his steel eyes are throwing.  
"Cadet." His face returns to its usual stony self, bored almost, and he ignores me once more.  
I silently curse myself. I'm probably in for hell today.  
oOoOoOoOoOo

"Cadet Razaki, fix your form. If you're the best this year has to offer, I might as well send you all home. We need soldiers, not Titan food." Captain Levi leans against one of the posts enclosing the hand to hand ring. He looks bored, and I bite my tongue, holding back a slight flare of anger. Since when is hand to hand taken seriously? It didn't even make up ten percent of our grade in training.  
"Sir!" I don't salute, since the fight hadn't been stopped, and try not to let the bitterness in my thoughts slip into my voice. I circle Jess, my eyes locked on her deep jade irises.  
"Don't hold back, Lily. I know you are." She whispers quickly. Her platinum blonde hair whips to the side, and she lunges at me to the left. I block her attack and dodge, rolling away and circling again.  
"Tch." Captain shifts from foot to foot, clearly becoming increasingly bored.  
"You are too, Jess..."  
A few of the guys gathered around the ring catcall, and I spin to glare at them. My black hair covers half of my face, but I think it somehow adds to my silent threat. They shrink back from my gaze, but the damage is done. I meet Jess's eyes again- they've got a glint of rage in them, and I know mine do too. My voice takes an edge that could cut a Titan to shreds. "Shall we show these boys how to fight?"  
She smirks and lunges again, and this time I know it's going to be an all out brawl. Her right fist connects with my side, but I bring my knee up into her stomach and swing out to connect with her face. She side steps, dropping to the ground, and tries to kick my legs out from beneath me.  
I jump over her leg, forcing mine out into her shoulder and knocking her backwards. She uses the momentum to roll back to her feet, but not before I've landed and begin my next attack. I double over and run at her full force, my shoulders slamming into her stomach. I lift her over my head and throw her across the ring, knowing I have to keep moving- she recovers quickly.  
This goes on for about thirty minutes, until Captain Levi orders us to stop. I already feel deep bruises forming, and I've got a small gash above my right eye. Jess looks like a mess, her nose and lips are bleeding and she's got a long cut along her collarbone, and down the left side of her face. Her hair is matted to her cheek and stained red with blood.  
The group of rookies parts like the sea, amazed stares and awed silence follows us as we make our way to the infirmary, arm in arm, out of breath, and grinning like idiots. I think I showed the Captain a pretty good representation of my skills. He didn't have much to say once Jess and I had let loose.  
Maybe today won't be hell, after all.  
oOoOoOoOoOo

After lunch, I'm on cleaning duty. While the rest of my friends ended up paired up (Dimitri with Alice, Jess with Chris, and Cameron with a girl named Sasha who is obsessed with food) I ended up having stable duty all alone.  
Why do I always get the short stick? Even when I'm a part of an even number of people, it seems someone always finds a way to schedule me alone. It's getting really irritating, but I know I won't actually complain to anyone. Especially not Uncle Winnie. Shit. Commander Erwin. I don't want special treatment.  
I'm almost to the stables when Captain Levi stops me. "Cadet?"  
"Yes sir?" I salute, standing as tall as I can, but the Captain is still a good two inches taller than me.  
"Where are you going?"  
"I've been assigned to clean the stables, sir." I peek around him to the gigantic barn structure. The doors are open already.  
"Where is your partner? That's a two person job, cadet." He looks me up and down with slight suspicion. His silver eyes narrow as the slight breeze moves his hair across his face.  
"I don't have a partner, sir, I was scheduled alone; I can handle it, sir. I used to have a horse."  
We stand in silence for a moment, until he turns to walk quickly to the stables. I run to catch up to him before matching his pace."Sir?"  
"Tch, I'm helping you, brat. You'll never be done in time for dinner if I don't."  
The work is quick, but peaceful. I'm able to slip into my own thoughts, as Captain doesn't seem to be the talkative type. Working from opposite ends and meeting in the middle had been my idea, though Captain didn't say a word about it before getting to work. I reached the last stall before he did. Rather than leaving for dinner, he sits on a bale of hay and silently watches me as I finish my chore.  
"Razaki?" His voice is low and hushed. It startles me, but I won't let him know that.  
"Yes sir?"  
"You're their daughter, aren't you? Zacharias and Helena's daughter."  
I blush sightly, but remain faced away from him. "Yes, sir, I am."  
"Mm." A lot of people knew who my parents were. Most people did, actually, they were Humanity's Strongest Couple. I think Captain even had the privileged of serving with them before they passed... Captain clears his throat and continues with his thought. "You're a lot like Helena, you know? Strong willed, short tempered, good fighter... same eyes."  
I feel a smile tug my lips. I turn to thank him and gasp- he's less than a foot away from me, his eyes locked to mine.  
"I... uh... Th-thank you, s-sir!" My face flushes a brighter rouge; I try to focus on anything except his stormy eyes and fail miserably. I'm like a raven to shiny objects, and I can't look away. There's a thought burning in their depths, but I can't decipher it. All I know is it makes me shiver, and suddenly its gone as soon as it appeared.  
"Tch, it's time for dinner, brat. Let's go." Without looking to see if I follow, he glides out into the growing twilight, back toward the castle we call HQ.  
What the hell? I sigh, my stomach grumbling. I decide to run to the mess hall, passing Captain Levi on the way. I swear I hear him "Tch" but I don't stop until I've gotten my food and joined my friends. Laughter fills the air, we talk and joke and smile, but all throughout dinner, I sneak peeks at his table. Captain doesn't take his eyes off of me until I leave the mess hall with Alice, Dimitri, Chris, Jess, and Cameron.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this one is super long, but I couldn't bring myself to edit it anymore. This is one that I re-wrote so many times it's ridiculous, and I'm still not 100% happy with it, but it's as good as I can get it. Comments are welcome!  
> Karhi is pronounced "KAH-ree" not like carry.

I wake the next morning to warm sunlight on my face.  
"Shit!" I bolt upright, smacking my head on the bunk above me in the process. "Ungh, damn it..." I groan, rubbing my forehead. Jess leans over the side of her bunk, eyes wide.  
"Lily? Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, but we're late for breakfast, Sasha's going to eat our food." I scramble to get ready, throwing on my uniform. I abandon my ODM straps, deciding I'll deal with them once I've eaten, and I'm a little more awake. Jess does the same, and we run to the mess hall, hoping there's something left to eat.  
"About time you two showed up!" Chris calls to us, and my eyes light up. He's holding two plates of food; Sasha is beside him, practically drooling at the steaming fried potatoes and corned beef. Remnants of her own serving lay forgotten at the side of her lips. She looks slightly disappointed to see us before running up to hug me.  
"Are you feeling alright? If you don't think you can eat all of that, I can help!" She fusses over the red spot that's slowly growing into a lump on the edge of my raven hairline.  
"I'm okay, Sasha, I'm starving actually... Sorry!" I have to giggle at the way she frowns and pouts slightly. Honestly, I have no idea how she can eat as much as she does and stay fit, but I've seen how she soars on the 3DMG.  
I make my way to the tea and coffee table... Well... Tea table now, all of the coffee is gone. Yawning, I taking a cup. I feel eyes on me, and turn to survey the room, already sipping my tea. My eyes scan over to my friends' table, and I chuckle softly. Alice is glaring at Chris, but she's cracking under the pressure to not smile. He's grinning at her, knowing he's winning whatever insult war they'd just had. Jess is sitting with Dimitri, blushing slightly. Dimitri is glancing at her from the corner of his eye... Honestly, everyone except those two can see they belong together. Cameron is giving Sasha what's left of his plate, and she throws her arms around him and screams that he's her best friend. My eyes move on until they meet the silver grey irises of none other than Captain Levi himself. He makes no move to look away or pretend he wasn't staring. I raise and eyebrow and tilt my head, still grinning. He nods in my direction, and looks down. Strange man...  
Hanji turns around in her chair, glancing between the Captain and me, her glasses glinting, before she she laughs loudly and runs out of the mess hall.  
Okay, she's stranger than Levi, for sure... At least I have a good relationship with her, though. She's never yelled at me.  
oOoOoOo  
I'm flying, soaring through dense trees, flipping and twirling around branches. 3DMG is my favorite part of training, because it makes me feel free. I can almost forget the walls that cage me, almost forget the monsters that wait just outside, almost forget the pain they cause... Almost.  
A Titan dummy pops out in front of me, and I roll off of a thin branch, slicing at the leather strip at the nape of its neck. Pushing off lightly, I'm airborne again, my wires shooting out far in front of me.  
I know I'm ahead of everyone else, although I'm not entirely sure how- I've barely used any gas. I have to wonder if perhaps my gages are broken, but maybe it's just my weight...  
"Show off." His voice startles me, and I almost run into a tree. Again.  
"Shit!" I gasp, taking out another Titan dummy before I land on a thicker branch. Captain Levi lands on a branch just above me, raising an eyebrow but he remains silent.  
"So... How am I showing off, sir?" I raise an eyebrow, mimicking him. Thin trickles of light cascade across his face and reflect in his eyes.  
"Tch. You're a good five minutes ahead of everyone else. Your gas must be running out, you need to conserve-"  
"I've barely used any gas, sir."  
His silver eyes glint like daggers, the green reflection from the canopy making them seem impossibly deep... Impossibly deadly. "Don't cut me off, Cadet. You may have used more than you think, I used a quarter of my tanks to catch up to you."  
"Sorry, sir, but I really haven't." I show him my gas gauge, and even I'm surprised that I've used less than an eighth of a tank. He opens his mouth to speak, but I continue. "I've mainly just used the pull of my wires and I've been spinning a lot to gain momentum. It must be because I'm smaller than most of the others... I was going to ask Hanji once I finished the course."  
His eyes are on my gauge, but I have a feeling he's not actually looking at it. His head snaps up to meet my gaze, and I can hardly believe what I'm seeing- Captain Levi is smiling. Actually smiling! My breath catches in my throat, shock very clearly displayed in my features.  
"Well then. Care to race me to the finish line? Forget about the training dummies, I want to see how fast you can go." He's about to launch his wires, but hesitates. "If you were that fast without gas, you might actually be able to keep up with me. Forget waste, use it as much as you need to. See you at the finish." He whooshes away, and I take a second to recover... Captain Levi actually smiled... at me.  
I launch off of the branch and try to cover the distance he's put between us. He's just as shocked as I am when I catch up, and we hit our gas simultaneously.  
I can't focus on him and my path at the same time, so I ignore him, spinning and darting between the trees, dodging training dummies. I can't hold in the giggle that escapes my lips, or the smile that demands to be present.  
The treeline is approaching quickly, and I punch my gas one last time before dropping closer to the forest floor. As my wires hit the last trees, I roll and hit the ground, legs running to break my momentum.  
I hear a gasp, and look over to a beaming Hanji. He eyes dart from me to the treeline, and I turn to see Captain Levi land a full five seconds after I did. Of course he's more graceful about his dismount, but I beat him. Holy shit, I was faster than my Captain!  
I'm suddenly crushed in Hanji's arms, Commander Erwin chuckles. Captain Levi looks shocked, but I see the smirk he's trying to hide.  
"Levi, don't look so startled, I told you she'd be a natural. She's the daughter of Humanity's Strongest Couple, remember." Erwin is smiling, and he comes to pat me on the back.  
Captain Levi shakes his head. "Two days ago, you ran into a tree, and today you're faster than me and control your gas use better than soldiers who've been here for years. You're definitely their daughter, Razaki." He reaches his hand out to shake mine. I take it and grin. "Congratulations, Iliana. No one has beaten me since Helena."  
Mom. Captain has been Humanity's strongest since mom and dad died. "Thank you sir, but I think I'm just having a really good day."  
"Ooph!" Alice busts through the trees and lands hard a few yards away from us, followed by Chris and Jess, who also have rough landings. I sprint over to them, and help Jess brush off.  
"How the hell did you take off so fast? I couldn't catch up to you to save my life!" Alice huffs heavily.  
I shrug. "Just spin. I used my gas to take off, but I spin every chance I get. It makes you dizzier than fuck, but I think it's something you get used to... And then just let the wires pull you."  
Chris ruffles my hair, ignoring the glare that it earns him from Alice. "And Lily's a short shit. Less strain on the wires, I guess."  
Jess giggles, and Alice soon joins.  
The rest of the cadets land around the same time, and the lot of us make our way back to HQ. I walk between Jess and Captain Levi most of the way, until Cameron runs up behind me. "Hey Lily!" He flicks my ear and sprints toward the castle.  
"Ow! You little shit!"  
"Who are you calling little, short stack?" He calls over his shoulder, and I take off after him, giggling as I gain ground. I tackle him, and we both go down hard, rolling in the soft grass. He stands and offers to help me up, but instead I pull him down, hopping up and into a fighting stance myself, still smirking. He stands and brushes himself off, just beginning to position himself when I'm picked up from behind.  
"Woah there, killer."  
"Damn it, Dimitri, what did I say about picking me up? Sneaky fucker!"  
He chuckles and sets me down, using my head as a damn arm rest. His ice blue eyes glow with silent laughter, my glare doing nothing to intimidate him.  
"Tch." Captain Levi disappears into HQ.  
oOoOoOo  
During lunch, Commander Erwin declares that the rest of today and all of tomorrow are free time. No training, no cleaning. I chatter excitedly with my friends, making our way to the stables to see our horses.  
We hadn't had time to train with them yet, but we've already formed the necessary bonds with them. My horse, a beautiful solid black mare, neighs happily when she sees me.  
"Hey, Karhi!" I coo softly, running my palms across her course pelt and quickly mounting her. Jess and Alice are already outside, their horses hoofing impatiently at the ground.  
With a soft click of my tongue, Karhi prances out to join them.  
"Where do you want to go, Lily?" Alice inquires, cerulean eyes bright under the fringe of her honey blonde pixie cut.  
"I don't know... Jess?" Her emerald eyes scan the grounds, unsure of where to go.  
Well this is awkward... I realize that none of us have had time to properly explore the grounds, being occupied with so much training. I sigh and lean back in my saddle.  
"Hey! Where are you going?" My head snaps over to Sasha, running toward us with a few of the cadets from the 104th, white teeth glinting in a broad smile.  
"Want to join? We're just exploring the grounds, we don't really know where to go..." My eyes graze over the faces accompanying her- three boys and another girl. Sasha makes introductions, starting with the other girl. Mikasa has a blank look in her eyes, the bottom of her face is covered with a red scarf, simply nodding her head in my direction. Next is Eren, his bluegreen eyes shine brightly as he smiles and says 'hello'. He looks rather boyish, but I know he's the Shifter... Odd, I thought he'd be a bit more intimidating. Armin is nice, shyly smiling at Alice, Jess and I. His stance is slightly feminine, and quite adorable. And finally, the tallest of the boy trio, Jean. He steps forward and pats all three of our horses. I try not to giggle, thinking he rather resembles a horse himself.  
"I know of a place, if you're interested?" Jean's smile is actually pretty dazzling, and I feel myself unable to resist returning it.  
"Sure, you're all welcome!" Jess's platinum hair blows in the breeze, and she silently nudges her stallion around the stables. "We'll just circle here and wait for you."  
Ten minutes later, eight horses rumble across the lawn of HQ. Curious eyes follow us to the treeline, lingering even after we've disappeared.  
Jean leads us to a small clearing about half a mile outside of the ODM training grounds, and I gasp- it's beautiful. Most of the field is cast in soft shadows, the gargantuan trees surrounding it shading the shining pond in the center. The ground surrounding its clear blue water is covered in wildflowers and tufts of grass. It's breathtaking, the colors are perfect.  
A warm breeze rustles the canopy, sending leaves cascading across the clearing, the scent of moss and woods and earth making me feel welcome. My feet thud softly on the ground beside Karhi, and I tether her to a low hanging branch.  
I glance around at our little group, the rest of them still in awe of the meadow's beauty, and meet Jean's eyes.  
"Well?" His lips turn up at one corner into a lopsided grin, leaning against a tree with his arms across his chest. "What do you think?"  
"It's beautiful- " Sasha and I whisper simultaneously. Surprised, we bust into a fit of giggles.  
"Oi, Jean, how did you know this was here?" Eren punches his friend's shoulder... Friend? No... Something in their eyes tells me they're not friends. They tolerate each other for the sake of their mutual interests... What is their mutual interest?  
Armin and Mikasa come to stand between Jean and Eren, and it clicks. Armin is watching Mikasa cautiously, while Jean's eyes are flickering between her and Eren. Desire and envy display clearly on his features, but as Mikasa turns her back to him in favor of Eren, desire fizzles from a burning fire to a withering ember, quickly replaced by a stoic smirk.  
"I found it a few weeks after we got here... Shit, that was almost a year ago..." His eyes fracture ever so slightly, becoming dark with the memory of a past pain. Sasha reacts instantly, probably saving his pride, as the storms in his eyes looked like they were about to let loose. Her hand lands on his shoulder and she smiles comfortingly.  
After a second, he returns her gesture, and soon after his shirt's on the ground.  
"EH?!" Alice's eyes are wide. "What the hell?"  
Jean doubles over, his laughter rolls through the air and echoes off of the surrounding trees.  
"I don't know about you, but that water looks great, and I'm not riding back to HQ is wet clothes, so..." His fingers work on the button of his pants, and Sasha buries her reddening face in her hands.  
"We're not getting naked, Jean..." Mikasa's quiet voice startles me; She's standing just behind me to the right. She gasps when Erens shirt hits the ground a few feet away from Jean's. "Eren!"  
"What? Of course we're not getting naked, we've got underclothes." His pants follow, and Jean and Eren are both in the water before anyone can think.  
Armin stands awkwardly beside Alice...  
"Eh, fuck it. Lily?" Alice is already shimmying out of her clothes, pants first, and Armin's wide eyes avert to look anywhere else but at her. Jess nods and flings her shirt to the side. I shrug, glancing to Sasha, who smiles nervously.  
We strip to our underwear and run into the water too, the sandy bottom squishing between my toes pleasantly as the cool water envelops my body. It's pretty deep in the middle, and I've never actually learned how to swim, so I keep my toes firmly in the sand beneath me- Until Jean picks me up from behind and carries me bridal style to deeper water.  
"Jean! Nonono put me down, take me back, I can't swim!" I screech over his shoulder, clinging on for dear life. He chuckles and sets me down where I have to stand on the very tips of my toes to just barely keep my head above water. I start to panic, but yet again, someone picks me up from behind, arms wrapped around my torso just below my breasts, and moves me to shallower water.  
"What the fuck, Jean?" Eren's chest vibrates against my back, and his breath ghosts past my ear. It kind of feels good, but I can tell from Mikasa's face that I'm not supposed to show any indication that I like it. I don't want to have to fight in my underwear, in front of two guys. Well... Technically three, but I think Armin would be more interested in watching the other two. "She said she can't swim, so you leave her where her feet can't touch?"  
"I forgot she was short... I'm sorry, Lily."  
Jess, Sasha and Alice are trying to stifle giggles as I just glare straight in front of me, above Armin and Mikasa's heads. The two hadn't joined us in the water, and instead sat close to the edge in the grass.  
"I'm not short..." I mumble, pouting.  
Eren snorts. "Yes you are." I can hear the smile in his voice.  
oOoOoOo  
The sun is setting by the time our horses near HQ, but the grounds are still bustling with activity. No one really notices our panting horses, or our wet hair.  
When was the last time I was actually able to enjoy myself like this, and not worry about anything else? It's difficult to remember a time when I was carefree... Was it just before mom and dad died? I definitely haven't smiled like this since Rose joined them...  
There's a sharp stab in my heart, and my mind clouds with the pain.... No. I can't think about this right now. Rose would want me to be happy. She always wanted me to smile and enjoy life. I gently push her green eyes from my mind's eye, and her smiling face fades back into the tiny corner of my thoughts I've reserved just for her. Nothing will ever take her away, not really.  
As I rejoin the present, I realize that I've been asked a question. Jean stares at me expectantly, and I feel heat rising to my cheeks.  
"Sorry, I drifted away for a minute... What was your question?"  
He chuckles, and flashes his teeth at me in yet another one of his (rather breath taking) smiles. "I asked if you wanted to go back to the pond tomorrow, since we've got more free time then." Jean leans against Karhi's stall door in the stables, arms neatly folded across his broad chest. His sandy hair is drying in every which way, majorly disheveled from our ride back to base. His eyes are almost gold, with a playful glint that reflects in his goofy lopsided grin.  
"Damn, Horseface, you just met her." Eren bumps into Jean's shoulder as our group makes their way outside. "Good luck!" He chuckles, Jean's face flushes, I try to pretend it's not noticeable. He doesn't fall for it. His eyes fall to the ground at his shuffling feet, nervous energy wafting off of him. I instantly feel bad, and I reach my hand up to put it on his shoulder.  
"I'm sure we'd love to go back there, Jean. It's beautiful."  
"We? Oh... Yeah... Okay, cool. We'll go back after breakfast then?"  
Oh... He wasn't asking about all of us. He just wanted me to go with him. Oh... Shit. How did I misread that? I've never had a boy ask me to go anywhere alone with him... Except Dimitri, but that's different. We've never been attracted to each other. But am I attracted to Jean? Maybe. I don't know. Yes, and no.  
Jean smiles anyways, his eyes lighting up again, and we make our way into the castle, joining the mass exodus of the grounds.  
Sasha drapes her arm around my shoulder and pulls me over to where Jess, Alice, and Mikasa are standing. "Hey, wanna have a girls' night? There's no curfew tonight, we were all thinking of heading up to the roof and watching the stars after dinner. We could all get to know each other!"  
"Girls' night? Can I join?" Hanji appears out of nowhere and huddles close to our group. Sasha and Mikasa exchange a glance, thinly veiled concern in their eyes, but I grin a Hanji. The woman has been here longer than any of us. I know she's seen more than her fair share of death, and I know that no one really gets close to her. She doesn't usually make small talk, and she's rarely ever seen in the company of anyone other than Erwin and Levi. There's rumors that she hadn't really talked to any females since Levi's squad died. What was that girl's name? Petra? I think she was friends with Petra...  
"I don't see why not... Us girls have to stick together, right?"  
She squeals and throws her arms around me. "Aah, thank you!"  
I notice that her exclamation has drawn the attention of a few of the guys around us, their quizzical gazes lingering on Hanji's arm around my waist, and Sasha's arm still on my shoulders. We giggle, and collect our food- some kind of chicken and potato soup.  
Hanji joins the superior officers' table, sitting between Captain and Uncle Winnie. Rather than sitting in an isolated group, I scoot our normal table closer to Eren and Jean's table, and we all eat together. More introductions are made, and it's decided that Ymir and Krista will join our little girls' night. The other boys at the table seem just as nice as anyone else. Connie, with the boyish face and chubby cheeks, chatters excitedly about the rumors that I'd beaten Levi in a race. I blush, not knowing if I should confirm or deny.  
"I don't think it was a fair race. I did land before him, but I don't think I actually beat him. He probably let me pull ahead to see if my technique needed improvement." My eyes flick to the Captain's, and he shakes his head subtly. For what, though? What is that supposed to mean? Stop talking, or stop denying that I won? I'm not sure, so I go with the first option, changing the subject to hand to hand training.  
Reiner's head snaps up and he whistles. "Man, I wish I could have been there. From what I hear, it was brutal!" His eyes shine with appreciation, and Jess and I exchange a quick grin.  
"Well, maybe we'll demonstrate for you tomorrow. After we've enjoyed the rest of the day, of course."  
"You two had to go to the infirmary, right? Why didn't anyone stop you before that point?" Bertholt's quiet voice inquires.  
"I don't know... At first we were both holding back, I think it was pissing the Captain off. So he let us go until he thought one of us would end up seriously injured if he didn't step in."  
I meet Levi's eyes again, and the corner of his mouth is upturned slightly. Not enough that anyone else would notice, no one ever really looks at his lips, but I have a hard time keeping my eyes off of them. Does he know? No. He can't. And I'll never tell him.  
But still, it's a little unnerving to have him drop his stoic facade twice, for me and only me, in one day.  
A tiny voice in the back of my mind tells me, Don't get too used to it, Lily. He's just having a rare good day. I ignore it, and continue my dinner.  
Once we're done, and the dishes are cleaned and put away, our ragtag group makes its way to the roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated note (December 13th)   
> I'm so sorry I haven't been able to post another chapter, I haven't forgotten! I promise, I'm not letting this die. I've just been sick, I have no internet at home, and work has kept me from getting to the library for Wi-Fi. Thank you so much to everyone who has read and commented, I love you guys, and I'll update very very soon! ~Nyxx


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Girls night!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, and happy birthday Levi! I'm so so so so so sorry it's taken so long to update. Today, I just said SCREW IT, I'LL DO IT FROM MY PHONE! Now my thumbs hurt, BUT IT WAS WORTH IT!  
> AS ALWAYS, I do not own Attack on Titan, I only own my own characters. The rest is credited to Isayama, the crazy, sadistic bastard that he is... I must be a masochist... Kinky.

My throat burns as I down the contents of the glass in my numbing hand. Hanji brought alcohol to the roof. Where the fuck did she get moonshine? Does she make this fire in a bottle?! I wouldn't put it past her. It's bitter, but it's damn good. I can't feel my fingers, and we're all giggling like small children... Even Mikasa and Ymir are drunkenly stuttering and slurring their speech.

I lost track of the conversation around ten minutes ago, I think. I'm focusing on not falling off the roof. I probably won't remember any of this in the morning, but as long as I survive until then, I guess that's okay. 

"Lilyyyy! Yoooohoooo! Where'd'ya goooo?" Jess is giggling and crawling towards me... Dear sweet Wall Maria, she's absolutely beyond 'gone'.

"Sshhhh, we'll *hiccup* wake up the *hiccup* entire headquarters." Krista giggles and flops her head to the side, leaving on Ymir for support.

"Krissta, are you a lessabian?" Hanji leans forward and taps the smaller girl on the nose, making her sneeze.

"Why would you *hiccup* think that?"

Hanji bursts into a giggle fit so ferocious, I think she might die, before responding. "Becaussse you and Ymir would make a really cute couple!" She slaps Ymir's knee, and Ymir turns bright red.

Krista's bright blue eyes turn to her friend and she smiles shyly. "Ymir? Do you *hiccup* like me?"

Ymir looks like she wants to shrink to the size of an ant and scurry away. "I... Um... Krista, you're drunk and I just... Well..."

Krista shuts her up by pressing her lips tentatively to Ymir's, only breaking apart when a chorus of 'aaawwwww' reminds her where she is. She hiccups and smiles brightly.

"Okay, well. Now you know... Sasha! *hiccup* Who do you like?"

"Potatoes don't count." Ymir adds playfully.

"I don't see why it matters..."

"I like Chris!" Alice practically screams.

Jess snorts. "Obviously." She pauses and stares dreamily at the stars. "I like Dimitri."

It's my turn to say Obviously. She doesn't acknowledge my comment, so the confessions continue, Hanji jumping in immediately.

"Erwin turns my legs to jelly... What?" She giggles at our surprised faces, glasses glinting in the moonlight. "His eyebrows are amazing, and he really cares, ya know?' She grins, and gives up on pouring her fire water in glasses, instead passing the bottle around.

Mikasa glances expectantly at Sasha, but when she still refuses to answer, Mikasa fills the silence. "Eren."

"Eh? Isn't he your brother?!" Ymir huffs.

"No. My family was murdered by slavers. Eren saved my life, and his family took me in, but I don't think of him as my brother. I never have."

Crickets are the only sound that fills the still air as that information sinks in, until Sasha finally surrenders.

"Ugh, fine. I like Jean."

This just got awkward. I remember earlier today, when Mikasa and Sasha seemed a little strange while Jean and Eren were showing off at the pond. I knew not to flirt with Eren, even though he IS pretty cute, but Jean too? I'd had to admit to myself that Jean was really attractive, and the way the water had rolled off of his body had done something to me. His smile was infectious, and his eyes were an open book... Damn. I can't act on anything I was thinking earlier, I'd feel really bad. Jean seems like such a sweet guy... Sasha would be perfect for him. I grin at my feet, and realize that I'm the last to provide a name.

"Well?" Sasha prods. "Lily? Who catches your eye?"

Shit... I don't really know. Jean and Eren are of limits, which means Sasha and Mikasa are as well. Dimitri and Jess, Chris and Alice... They're my family. Uncle Winnie is Uncle Winnie, so ew. Reiner and Bert seem to be hiding something, the way they're attached at the hip. Armin is very obviously gay. So is Cameron, and I think Connie is too. Ymir and Krista are off limits... So that only leaves...

"Levi!" Hanji tries (and fails) to stand and greet the captain. His eyes graze over our drunken state.

"Tch. What the hell are you doing?" He snatches the open bottle of moonshine from Hanji's grasp and glares at the woman... If looks could kill...

"Ah.. We... We were just... I was just..." Her eyes widen, like prey that has just spotted it's hunter, with no time to escape. I have to save her...

"Girls night. Are you a girl, captain?" His steel eyes bore into me, but I hold my smile. Thank you, alcohol, for false bravado. I'm actually terrified that he'll walk over and kick me off the roof, but I can proudly say that my face doesn't betray me one single bit.

"Tch. If girls night means getting shit faced on Hanji's brew? Put me in a dress and call me Lucy." He raises the bottle to his lips and sits in the only open space- right next to me.

We roar with laughter, and I'm left wondering why I'm louder than everyone else. And of course, the one thing I was hoping had been forgotten... Isn't.

"Lily, you never answered." Mikasa eyes me from over her scarf.

Fuck you.

I'm silent.

Levi glances between the two of us, having claimed the bottle for himself. "Answered what?"

Shit, fuck you too Levi. Wait! Nonononono don't think about that!

I sigh. "They want to know who I'm attracted to."

"Tch."

"Come on, everyone else confessed!" Jess looks at me with puppy eyes.

"Right! Ymir and Krista are officially a thing after tonight, Sasha likes Jean, Mikasa likes Eren because they're not actually siblings... Jess likes Dimitri, Alice loves Chris, and I like Erwin- don't look at me like that, Levi, you've known for ages. Lily is the last to confess!"

I clear my throat, which is suddenly closing up and threatening to halt air intake. "Actually... Since the captain had joined our activities, he has yet to confess as well..."

"Tch, I'm not playing your girl night games, shitty brat."

Fuck!

"Well... I don't really like anyone, to be honest. I mean, I find a lot of people attractive, but other than my friends, I don't know anyone enough to like them. Looks aren't everything..."

"Not good enough, love, you have to at least tell us who is most attractive." Sasha pokes my leg, a devilish grin tugging at her lips.

I shrug.

"Boys or girls?" Ymir whispers.

"I don't know, both? Mostly guys, but seriously, you're all gorgeous!"

"Then who's the most gorgeous boy?" 

Hanji, fuck you with a shovel.

Save me, Levi, please save me. Tell them I don't have to answer, you're the only one they'll listen to...

"Well, brat?"

"Damn it! You too? Really?" I didn't meant to say that out loud, but oh well... His eyes catch mine, and I can't look away. They're so immensely deep... They're as impossible as the stars, hard as a blade, but soft as the clouds. Even when his face is completely stoic, there's a fire burning through his icy gaze... Shit. I have to get away, I have to-

My knee brushes his slightly as I blindly reach for the bottle in his hand, and my breath catches. His pupils dilate, almost completely swallowing his irises like a black hole.

I somehow manage to get the bottle away and break eye contact, but everyone saw that. Hanji squeals.

"Eeeeee, Lily likes Levi!!" My face flushes, but I try to play it off. The bottle hits my lips, and I ignore the voice in my head screaming that it would much prefer Levi's lips to the cold glass.

"I did say you're all attractive, but in case you hadn't noticed? He was holding the alcohol. This shit is good." There. I didn't confirm or deny. I don't even know if I really do like Levi, or if my bloodstream is more alcohol than blood at this point.... But I definitely lust for him. Hard. To the point where it hurts to sit, and I can barely breathe, but I do my best.

Luckily, Levi finally speaks up. "Tch, I guess if she won't answer, we can all go to bed." He stands and stretches, turned away from everyone else... Everyone but me. I get the full show, the way his muscles flex under his clothes, the little peek of skin when his shirt pops out of his waistband, the orgasmic look on his face as his back cracks, and... No, I've got to be imagining that bit. I can't possibly see a bulge pushing against the fabric of his pants. No way. Nope. That's not there.

I gulp, standing with a little help from Sasha and Hanji. It seems I'm not the most drunk, but I can still barely walk.

Soon, we're all inside and splitting off in the general directions of our rooms. I lean against the wall to steady myself... Jess can't help me to our room, she's run off to find the nearest bathroom. I feel bad for her, I remember the first time I got drunk... I shudder and push that memory far FAR away.

"You okay, brat?" Levi leans against the wall next to me, looking slightly concerned.

"Yes sir. Legs are just stiff... Drank a little too much, but I'll be fine, sir."

"Tch, I just sat on a rooftop and drank with you. You don't have to call me 'sir' tonight, Lily."

"Yes s- uh... Levi." I giggle, and I swear my mind is playing tricks on me. Because for the third time in under twenty four hours, Levi smiles at me.

"Need help?"

"Mmm, might be nice... But it's a long walk, I'm on the ground floor, at the other end of the building."

"It's fine. I don't want you getting lost and passing out in the hallway." He wraps his arm around my waist, draping my arm over his shoulder with his other hand. I blush at the contact, the warmth between my legs not making it easier to walk. Damn hormones. We make our way silently through the halls until we reach the stairs. I squeak softly when he picks me up and carries my bridal style down two flights.

"Levi, I can walk down stairs!" I whisper, not trusting my voice.

"And break your leg? No. Hush." I actually am pretty dizzy, so I surrender and rest my head on his shoulder until we reach the bottom, where he gently sets me down. My knees buckle, and he pushes me against the wall to keep me from falling.

I'm suddenly not dizzy anymore, but the threat of my knees giving out is still very present. He's so close, I can feel his breath on my cheek, the warmth radiating through his clothes... Fuck, no, why am I thinking about my captain like this? He's my CAPTAIN, this is highly inappropri-

My thoughts come to a screeching halt as he tentatively presses his soft lips to mine. It's like a canon blast, my entire body floods with warmth, and I can't get enough. He pulls away to soon, and I reach my arms up to bring him back to me. His hands cup my cheeks, but soon enough, they move to the rest of my body. One rests heavily on my hip, the other on my lower back to bring my body closer to his. I gasp when he bites my lip, whimpering softly as his tongue moves into my mouth. His leg moves between mine, and his hardness presses against my hip. I stifle a moan into his mouth, our breath ragged, hands roaming... But still, he pulls away, leaving me wanting more. "Levi." His name is nothing more than a breath, sending shivers through us both.

"Lily..." More shivers. "Not tonight. Not like this."

I understand his meaning, suddenly and painfully aware that we're standing in the middle of the hall, in plain sight of anyone who would happen to get out of bed for a trip to the bathroom. Damn... It would look really bad if anyone saw our captain making out with a drunk cadet... But it's also that he doesn't want me to regret it. He doesn't want to take advantage of me, and that blows another canon ball right through me. He cares.

"Can you walk?" 

"Somewhat..." I giggle. "Can you?"

He grins. "Somewhat... Come on, let's get you to your room before anyone wakes up." He half carries me the rest of the way there, and just before he turns to walk away, I take his hand and hold him in place.

"Levi?"

His impossible eyes meet mine, and I grin from ear to ear. 

His lips form into a crooked half smile, as well... Damn, how many different smiles does this beautiful man have? I lean forward and kiss him quickly. He sighs contentedly. 

"Goodnight, Levi." 

"Goodnight, Lily."

oOoOoOo

I wake the next morning with someone in my bed, their arms draped over me from behind. They're snoring. My head feels like it's shattering into a million tiny little pieces, and I'm tempted to roll over and push this person out of my bed, if only to stop the onslaught of offending noise. I slowly open my eyes, waiting for them to adjust to the dimly lit room. The sun isn't even up yet. Ugh, I feel like shit!

Suddenly, the person bolts upright and smashes their head into the bottom of the upper bunk. "Ow, FUCK!" Their body rolls to the side and crashes to the floor. "DAMN IT!!"

Despite the ringing in my ears, I bust out laughing. It's Jess. She must have been too hammered to climb into her own bunk, so she just crawled into mine.

"Ung, fuck you, Lily, do you know how much that shit hurts??" 

" I'm very aware, I do that almost every day." I'm laughing so hard, tears are streaming down my face. My sides and stomach feel like they're going to burst, and soon I'm gasping for air. Jess giggles too, once the pain subsides.

Our stomachs grumble in unison, and I sigh. Breakfast isn't for another few hours, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly a filler chapter, ship development, and FINALLY LEVI. I'll be back asap with chapter 5, shit may or may not hit the fan. You'll find out next time <3  
> Also, sorry if autocorrect bit me in the ass. Hopefully I'll be posting from my laptop next time.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, just a build up for the next one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry it's taking me so long to do this. I'm not letting it die, I've just been so terribly busy... I'm updating from my phone again, so I'll apologize in advance of autocorrect bites me again.

Eventually, everyone is gathered in the mess hall. Ymir seems to be the only girl from last night without a hangover, and words can't describe how jealous I am. The boys seem to have a basic understanding of what went on last night, and they thankfully remain as quiet as a group of teenaged boys can be. Conversation is hushed, laughter is muffled by hands covering mouths. The loudest sound in the room is Sasha's snoring. Her head is on the table, having quickly passed out after literally licking her plate clean.

Once breakfast is over, and our dishes are taken care of, Erwin orders us outside for an announcement... My eyes scan his grim face, and my stomach threatens to reject it's contents the same way they went in. What ever he has to say won't be good.

We parade outside and into formation, feet spread shoulder length apart. Fists pound chests in salute as the Commander comes to stand before us. With a small nod, he silently acknowledges us, and hands are folded behind our backs in the at ease position.

"Good morning." His voice cuts through the crisp air. "I'm pleased to see that you've been enjoying your free time, it's been well earned. However, as some of you may have guessed, there's another reason I've ordered this small break. In two days time, we will be venturing out beyond the walls. Our mission is simple: Bring back supplies and scout the area. We must forge a new path into Titan territory, and expand our horizons. Though this mission will be short, it will still hold dangers that many of you have not yet faced. Members of the 105th, you've all made remarkable progress in the short time since graduation. You will be paired with members of the 104th tomorrow to form new, temporary teams, and you will train with them tomorrow. Do not be afraid, as fear will cripple you. Be proud of your accomplishments, of your fellow soldiers, of the hope that each and every one of you represents for humanity. I am proud of you. Have faith in yourselves, and in each other, as I have faith in the success of this mission. Please keep any questions you may have until assignment tomorrow, and enjoy your day today. Dismissed!"

Our salute is given, still as professional as before, but with less vigor. 

This is it. I glance at the faces around me, nervous energy wafting off of my comrades in almost visible waves. This is what we've trained for. Some of us might not make it... No, I won't let that happen. We'll survive. All of us. Every last soldier. This isn't an offensive mission, in and out, just a supply run. We'll make it. 

I realize that not one person has moved since being dismissed and frown.

"Come on, guys, enjoy the day!" Moving between lines of stunned soldiers, both friends and people I've only met in passing, I make my way to the place where Erwin was standing only moments before. A small smile tugs at my lips as I face them. "We've worked our asses off for this day. I mean, look at Connie! No ass to speak of! Literally worked it off!"

"Hey!" He shouts indignantly, blush creeping into his features.

My brothers and sisters laugh at Connie's expense, and relax a little. I understand their apprehensiveness, we're all nervous. Just a few short years ago, we were all just children. Little kids thrown into the chaos of a Titan invasion, uprooted from our happy homes by the reality of war.

There are a few among us who lost everything in the first wave in Shangishina. More still when Maria fell, and even a few when Trost was hit... Too many young souls stripped of their dreams and their families.

"I know you're all nervous. We know what our enemy is capable of, but we can't surrender or retreat." My mouth seems to be moving on its own, voicing my every thought, but I decide not to stop it. "Too much is riding on our success. We've lost far too much, so many lives... But so many more are at stake. Some of us have lost everything, but we can't let that happen to anyone else. The Titans have us cornered, caged like livestock..."

Shit, that isn't helping... What am I even saying?

"But we'll use it to our advantage! We've been hurt. We're still hurting. But Titans? Titans are stupid. They don't know that a caged and injured animal is the must dangerous of all. We can't draw back, now or ever, or this war will never be won!" 

My rambling seems to be working, as fire ignites in the eyes of my comrades.

"We've trained for this, bled for this, we've become precision killers. We will obliterate our enemy and escape these walls! This mission is the first step for most of us. We need supplies. It's less risky than a capture mission, but we must stay alert. We're all friends here, all family. Watch each others backs, remember our training, and we'll all make it back in one piece!"

As my final note fades from the air, I'm utterly stunned at the response from the entire assembly. Every single person in the crowd snaps their fist to their chest in salute. Dimitri beams at me, Jess's eyes are filled with tears but she grins from ear to ear.

Slowly, I let the pull at the corners of my lips lift them upwards into a smile, and I hold my head high. My salute is crisp and quick, and everyone returns to perfect formation, perhaps standing a little taller than before.

"Now come on, lets enjoy today! We've earned it!"

"Aye!" Their response is almost deafening, and my heart swells with pride. We part ways, each of us more than ready to make the most of the beautiful day.

A few short minutes later, I'm riding my horse toward the forest with the same group from yesterday. Our secret lake awaits us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your patience, and for sticking with me. This is the first time I've truly tried writing something like this, since I don't count my numerous failed NaNoWriMo attempts. I've only ever written short horror stories and poetry, and I've already far surpassed the word counts in any of those. I'll have chapter six to you as soon as I can, hopefully within the month. Shout out again to Hikari Mitsuko, and to Zeds_Dead, my favorite fic writers. They're both so much better than I am.


End file.
